Am I overreacting?

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Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Wed Jun 25, 2014 9:29 pm

So I'm still getting myself and dd used to creche and although she's still very upset at drop offs they tell me she's better every day once she settles and in fairness she doesn't seem as upset when I collect her in the evenings.

However a couple of things are bugging me and tbh I'm a bit worried here this evening so I'm looking for your opinions ladies.

In her first week there there was an incident with another baby one morning when I was dropping my dd off - nothing major, lo just unexpectedly leaned forward in a chair and tumbled out, it happened in a split second and a creche worker picked him up and soothed him etc. at the time I just put it down to one of those things and since it'd happened to my dd at home with me a few times I didn't judge - at this age they are so mobile/move fast you can't prevent everything

So about a week later I went one evening to pick my lo up & at the end of the day when several kids have been collected they condense the other who are waiting for mammy/daddy into a couple of rooms - makes sense I suppose rather than have 2 babies in one room, 2 toddlers in another etc etc. anyway as the girls were lacking up my lo's things and getting her coat one of the toddlers smacked another lo (a good bit younger) in the face - of course there were tears & all sorts but my worry was that there was a childcsre assistant right there and for whatever reason she didn't pay attention - there were about 3 kids playing on a soft mat & 2 other attendants close by so her focus should have been on those three kids sat besie her surely? Of course the baby in question was picked up & cuddled and tbh my lo was still pretty bad that week so my concern was calming her down and taking her home, so I didn't dwell on it then.

Now this evening a similar thing happened! Was picking up dd & there was a mix of kids awaiting pick up in her room, from about 7 months to 2.5 yrs, and a bigger kid hit a baby (10/11months maybe?) in the face with a hard plastic musical book - the poor baby was in awful state with tears - my dd has often caught me with her books and those plastic fisher price books hurt!! What got me tonight though was that the creche manager was supervising that group of babies and she didn't prevent it - and when it happened 2 of the childcare team said 'what happened here?' And one says 'oh she got a book in the face, ah poor baby got a book in the face' - but in a baby talk/sing song kinda voice, like it was grand not big deal.
Now I fully understand keeping your cool and not dramatising it - cause I know if I make a big deal over my lo if she falls she defo feeds off my anxiety and gets more upset, so I get that - but it just didn't sit right with me & I couldn't help thinking if they just brush everything aside like that?

To make it worse my dd fell off a toy car thing in creche today & has a bump on her head and a grazed lip - it's a scratch really & they gave me an incident form detailing it all, but now I'm wondering if she was just not supervised enough or if they just shrugged it off when it happened etc?
Now knowing my dd she could have been perfectly fine one second & tumbled over in a second, she's done worse at home! However having seen those few other incidents I think I'm on high alert!

In all fairness I know you can't wrap kids in bubble wrap and these things will happen to toddlers just learning to walk but as much as I don't want to over exaggerate and get worked up, I don't want to ignore it either in case I'm right to worry.

Any thoughts girls? I know a few of you in here work/worked in crèches so I know I'll get a good feel for what's the norm/acceptable/your own personal experiences

Thanks girls xx
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippmam » Wed Jun 25, 2014 10:13 pm

All I'll say honeybee is keep real close track on everything sounds silly but things on their own don't seem like they need to be addressed but when u add up incidents then u may need to rethink your childcare options which I know sounds awful after settling her but with my dd there was a few things & when we really sat down & talked properly about it we realised neither of us were comfortable anymore so we pulled her out & it's the best decision we ever made but we are lucky we had a family member willing to take over full time that's not always the case for everyone. I hope 'twas just the crèche workers trying to play down the drama. A use I still think crèches are great even after our experience I wouldn't tar them all with the one brush so much so my dd will probably go back into a crèche a day a week or something next year just to give my mam a break just obviously a different crèche!
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Wed Jun 25, 2014 10:19 pm

That's it - I don't have the option of a granny and after persevering for a month to settle her I don't know if its fair to pull her out & make her do it all over again elsewhere.
That said of it turns out to be something more serious - ie more incidents - I'll have to look at somewhere else because her well being comes first.
The more I think about it I just don't know :(
Like I'd hate to judge too fast - with me at home with my dd there were knocks& scrapes and that was a 1:1 ratio, with 5/6:1 ratio of course you can't physically hold into every child as they play.
I just don't want to brush it aside either & regret it later God forbid if anything happened I'd feel awful
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippmam » Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:45 am

Very hard situ to be in especially after it took so long to get her settled it's be very hard to start again we were lucky very lucky hopefully 'twas only those times & normally they are more careful
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby cudleyb » Thu Jun 26, 2014 9:48 am

If it's playing on your mind would you not have a word with the supervisor and see wat reaction you get it could put your mind at ease and then you won't be worrying about your daughter all day and know she's in safe hands and being well looked after
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Thu Jun 26, 2014 10:44 pm

Yeah that's the plan I think, I didn't see the manager today but I'll try catch her in the morning sand see what her reaction is. I hate bringing it up though - just in case it turns out to be all fine I don't want to be thought if as 'oh that mammy' by the staff - ie the one who's always complaining/they are wary of. Like they mind my dd 7 hrs a day, ideally I want a happy pleasant relationship with them you know?
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby cudleyb » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:36 am

Ah they won't what they will realise is that your taken note of what happens because you leave you're precious lo there for 7hrs a day and you want her experience to he a happy one so you can go to work with no worries and you can explain that but I'm sure they know exactly how you feel cos I'd say every parent that drops there child off feels exactly the same
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby DSDA » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:50 am

I dont know if its possible but could you drop in unexpected even half an hour earlier and kinda do a surprise check?
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby lovemylilbean » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:50 am

tbh as I work in childcare we playdown incidents like that esp in front of parents 1) its professional you don't loose your cool esp in front of a parent, 2)the child would have been spoken to when you left and more that likely their parents informed the crèche working with the 3 kids with her might have been keeping an eye on a child out of your view what was up to mischief etc. I think you are reading in to things a little and need to relax about th creche they know what they are doing and if shes settling better everyday then that a good thing and shes warming up to the place, kids fall, start slapping phase etc all the time it apart of being a toddler they grow out of it you teach them not to hit ect you don't feed into their aggressive mood the will just go off and do it again if you give it too much attention, all im saying is relax you seem wound up bout the crèche lately I know its hard but you have to relax a little.
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Fri Jun 27, 2014 7:13 pm

Thanks for the advice ladies - I'd actually taken that approach lmlb, DH was saying they were prob trying to appear calm etc so that was prob it, so I didn't approach the manager this morning, decided to just pop in a little earlier this evening & see how it went.

So . . . Went to collect her & there's a red mark on her forehead, so I asked of she'd bumped it & was told that they'd only just noticed it & one girl says 'she probably fell over and bumped it' and the other one goes 'well it can't have been a drama, we'd have heard her cry if it was . . '

Would that not worry you? Like saying yes, she fell, it was just a tumble is one thing - I get that, she does it all the time - but saying 'yes your baby has a mark, possibly from falling down, but I don't know what happened' is more worrying. They are in charge of supervising kids so while they can't stop every fall or incident surely someone should at least always have eyes on the kids?
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippmam » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:33 pm

Oh god honeybee that's not reassuring I know when you're at home it's hard to keep your eyes on the kids 100% of the time cause u may have a few or be preparing dinner etc but I'd imagine in a crèche there should be constant supervision as in they should at least be watching & if not actually see what happened then you'd think they see the mark themselves after... I dunno I don't want to say they're watching her but I'd be wary the way I look at is you're paying them to watch her 100% of the time...
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:41 pm

That's my worry too :( like its a tiny mark - she could have literally hit herself while waving a toy about - but the point is, they didn't know/couldn't tell me what happened.
DH is still saying 'ah its prob just her playing about, she does that at home' but God forbid what if next week I went in or got a call to say she'd a broken arm & no one knows how it happened? Like the simplest trips/slips for a lo can easily result in a bad injury depending on what surface they are running or climbing on.
I just don't know what to be thinking :(
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippmam » Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:00 pm

I know what you're saying all I can say is my dd is always bumping & bruising herself at home & at my mams but she never has a mark that we can't account for... Especially my mam she nearly takes pics & writes down what happens & she's at home in her own space with house work to do & dinners etc to cook I'd imagine in the crèche they don't have any "extra" jobs to do I don't know though, & I'd think that if they did have other jobs there should still be enough carers to watch the kiddies
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:08 pm

No they don't do other work, there's a manager there for general admin/overseeing everything and a full time chef who cooks all the meals so it's not like they are prepping meals or answering phones or anything.
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippmam » Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:27 pm

So really no reason why there shouldn't be a pair of eyes of your lady all the time. I think they should be at least able to say oh she was playing with such & such & maybe that's when it happened they shouldn't be like oh I haven't a clue I wouldn't like that answer!
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Fri Jun 27, 2014 9:37 pm

That's it exactly :(

DH and I are now arguing again - initially he wanted to just leave it and now he's just snapped 'we'll take her out, put her in another crèche & bloody upset her again ok??'

As if that's what I'd want??! Arghh!
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby Cinnabon » Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:01 pm

We've had DD in 3 crèches due to us moving for work. A lot depends on the number of children in the room. At your DD's age if there are 2 minders means there's possibly 10 children in the room which is a lot and can be a lot of chaos. If your DD stumbled and just got back up without crying the staff may not have gone to her and therefore not noticed the mark. Likewise if she hit herself off a toy and didn't cry they may not have gone to check her.

The crèche DD is in now only has 1 minder per room so the setting is a lot calmer as a result of less children. Even with that her legs have new bruises every other day as she just runs so fast and falls over but the staff couldn't be telling me about about every fall she has - the serious one where she badly hurts herself or gets a cut yes I will here about but then DD would tell me anyway as she's almost 3.

I'm not sure if you're looking for faults as it's taken a while for your DD to settle and you're missing her during the day or is you have niggling doubts about the place. If you're not happy you could always look for somewhere else but I think you mentioned on another thread about looking at numerous places so you obviously chose this one over those for a reason.
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippergirl » Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:11 pm

I remember from my days working in a crèche how often you would be under pressure at certain times of the day due to staff/child ratios, staff breaks, staff not turning up it having to leave early & it can be so easy to miss an incident. Especially an incident where a child might be playing & accudebtkybgets hurt it hurts themselves. If the child doesn't cry it can go unnoticed. I'd prefer staff to say they didn't see what happened than to make up an excuse for it.

I also remember from my days in the crèche (it is over 10 years ago) that staff often had other responsibilities which were often loaded on by the 'manager'. We often had to wash floors, disinfect toys, clean toilets. There was also nappy changing duties which would take a staff member away from the room for a considerable amount of time or if about her room was short staffed you might be sent to cover & leaving your own room under pressure.

I really hope there's nothing of concern going on other than kids playing/enjoying themselves & getting the odd bump, bruise, cut, bite...believe me I saw a lot of each of those things happen. Kids are accident prone & in a crèche it isn't one to one care so it is virtually impossible for staff to see every little thing that happens in a room.
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby HoneyBee » Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:36 pm

Thanks girls - I honestly don't think I am looking for faults, if anything I tried not to focus on the initial things I saw because I so badly wanted her to settle and for us to settle into out new routine. Of course I miss her but I'd love nothing more than to drop her off with kisses & cuddles and have peace of mind while I'm at work.

I don't think its a ratio problem - its 6/1 strictly, but right now there's only 14/15 kids and always 3 if not 4 carers any time I've been there. I did ask about other duties & was assured there's a cleaner/cook etc so unless they outright lied I can't see why there's be a need for them to be doing other jobs?

It's not so much the nature of the incidents - like from day 1 she's come home with scuffed runners, dirty knees & at bath time I'd notice tiny yellow bruises on her knees but she's a really active toddler & its only logical they're from her climbing or playing, and that's fine.
I didn't even feel worried by the day she tumbled in the garden & grazed her head/lip because I could see she was fine and there was an incident report and they were clear about the details. It's the 'I don't know' approach that worries me.
I fully understand they can't - and I wouldn't want or expect them to - literally hold onto every kid for fear they'll fall down, but with 3/4 people around I really can't understand no one even seeing what went on.

There's another crèche I could move her to, but she's not fully settled here as it is & I don't want to upset her any more than I absolutely have to in terms of getting her used to a new batch of carers.

I suppose I'd worry as well that maybe I'd have the same issues there too - like is it just the case that this is how crèches are and I just have to accept the odd bump and bruise?

In a way it'll be easier when she's talking & can say 'I fell in the garden' or 'the girl in my class pinched me' :(
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Re: Am I overreacting?

Postby tippergirl » Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:47 pm

There was a cleaner & cook in the crèche I worked in all those years ago..it was one of the first purpose but crèches in it's day & it was ran really well but we still often had to clean etc...

It'll be great peace of mind when she can talk & can tell you how things have happened but it'll be tough in the meantime if you have concerns. I do know for sure bumps & bruises in crèches are very common, we used to write them into a daily report for parents.
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