What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

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What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby HoneyBee » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:19 pm

Just wondering what you're opinions are on when to introduce good behaviour rules/disciplining toddlers etc

Now I don't mean smacking - each to their own but I've no intention of ever hitting as a punishment - but things like naughty step, enforcing a no kicking/biting/hitting 'rule' and things like that.

DD is only 15 and a half months but she seems to be gearing up for the terrible 2's early! She's generally a great baby and very well behaved but lately she's started biting - rarely, but it has happened - and twice she's pinched me and DH when taking a tantrum.

Thankfully she's a model child in crèche - they sing her praises every dah when I collect her! But I don't want to just ignore the bites/pinching at home just in case she then decides to do it to another baby in crèche one day.

At the moment we're just being very stern faced, not laughing or giving the behaviour attention & saying 'no we don't bite/pinch/hurt mammy/daddy' and we stop playing the game/reading the book or whatever activity we'd been doing, generally she then climbs on our lap & we say 'ok are you sorry now? Big hugs?' And we'll hug her and move on, but it's got me thinking about how we manage rules and behaviour as she grows and at what she we start (if/when needed) being that bit tougher in terms of time out, naughty step or taking away a toy etc

If anyone has any info on how they managed/manage their lo's I'd love to hear your opinion! :)
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby cudleyb » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:38 pm

You're doing it the right way of not playing after she does it, I agree smacking is not the answer! When my lo use to pinch or bite wen they were younger and didn't take heed to me saying it wasn't nice the next timehe pinched me I pinched him back not too hard now just enough for it to make him realise wat just happened and my god the look on his face was priceless he was stunned wen I thought he was going to do it again I'd say would you like me to pinch you back he'd just look at me and stop and just move on I found it worked great :-)
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby DSDA » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:49 pm

I use time out with my fella. His two so he gets two mins. I give the warning at his level in a firm voice and ask if he understands and then straight there if he carrys on. Kisses and cuddles after sorry then. Tantrums I completely ingore and walk away (where possible) and when his over it I sit down and tell him that behaviour won't get him anything or anywhere. I then get him to talk to me telling me what he was looking for. If I tell him to do something and he doesn't (like picking up toys when finished) I count to three and if he doesn't toy goes away for a while.
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby DSDA » Wed Jul 23, 2014 10:52 pm

Oh and I started as soon as bad behaviour started. About 14/15 mths.
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby Cinnabon » Thu Jul 24, 2014 11:33 am

I certainly would not advocate pinching a child if they pinch you - that is sending the wrong message totally - they then think if someone does it to them it is then ok to do it back.

As for timeout etc I would wait until at least 2 and they can fully understand why it is happening & can fully communicate. If you decide to go down that route it is a minute per year so at 2yrs it is 2mins, at 3yrs it is 3mins.

As for tantrums the best thing there is to ignore them and let them work it out themselves as tantrums at that age are a way of expressing frustration at not being able to do something. A tantrum as they older becasue they aren't getting ice-cream or something is different and I would have a tendancy to let them have the hissy fit and then explain to them.
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby MrsS11 » Thu Jul 24, 2014 8:46 pm

It is difficult to manage behaviour now as they are still so little. I think it's ok though to start setting some rules and boundaries as much as u can. They don't really understand consequences too much yet. I would take something away from my lo if I have told her not to put something in her mouth. I ignore tantrums. If she starts a tantrum when I'm picking her up I would lie her down and walk away usually when I'm at home. I think it has to be fairly immediate reaction for them to understand. My lo listens to me sometimes and other times she ignores me lol! I think naughty step etc can wait till their a little older and understand more. I don't like the idea of pinching or biting back if they start that
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby HoneyBee » Thu Jul 24, 2014 9:30 pm

Great to get your opinions girls - great to hear how you've all managed the same type of situation.

I don't think I'd bite/pinch her back - even lightly - aside from not believing in physical punishment, I just know that the only thing she'd learn from it is that if you bite/get bitten the response is to do it back & that's not right.

I have to say by and large she's a great kid, I see other toddlers out and about & by comparison they seem quite bold whereas she seems to have specific things which upset her. I think its definitely more a frustration thing than temper/anger.
Like she's more likely to take a tantrum if she's unable to open a zipper or take the lid off a toy box than if I tell her not to climb on the couch.

The tantrums really frustrate me though - you know when you take them away from something & you're holding their arm & the start freaking out/let their legs go slack and try wriggle away but at the same time you can't let go because they are pulling away so strong that if you let go of them they'll bump their head?? Omg its so stressful when she does that!!

Have to say though she's become a lot better at bedtime & sleeping this week and as a result seems to be in better form, hopefully it'll continue :)

No biting/pinching today and she did have a meltdown earlier and managed to not lash out at me (think she was too hot) so that's good :)
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Re: What age to start setting rules/boundaries etc?

Postby Cinnabon » Thu Jul 24, 2014 10:54 pm

The scenario you mention about taking them away from something and they kick off - when DD was the age your DD is I used to lift her up in a rugby hold and hold her tight to me and she would calm down after a min or so. I would have her back to me and have my arm through her legs and the other one across her chest. That way she couldn't headbutt or kick me.
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