Longer term ttc #1

Questions, advice and support regarding medically assisted procreation. IVF and other assisted TTC methods.

Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby MeanderGo » Thu Jun 11, 2020 11:07 am

MrsA it sounds like an emotional night! Would you have a video call with Penny and talk through all the new info and the plan for the next few months? Were you scheduled to go to Athens in August? One month isn't a long wait, esp if you're in much better headspace. But just in case there's anything on Serum's side it could be good to get their input. It's not really a wait either if you're "training up" for it :D
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby LorraineG » Thu Jun 11, 2020 2:20 pm

You're not being silly at all mrsa...I remember last summer when I was in a heap not knowing whether to take a break or get going again as quick as possible. Ultimately it just depends how you're feeling yourself. You'd prob be talking August minimum with covid related crap so I dont think September is a huge wait then and it would give you a good run at the detectives advice before adding hormone meds to the mix! I would say though get your protocol and prescriptions etc sooner rather than later and have everything ready to go in case you do change your mind in August. It's easier to leave it all sitting there waiting than trying to sort out last minute when you'll be under a bit of pressure anyway. Trust me August/September is only round the corner! (Says the one due in August!! :-O )
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Flipper23 » Thu Jun 11, 2020 5:34 pm

I wrote a really long post but the internet ate it. Raging.

MrsA I am delighted the meeting went well, she sounds like she really knows her stuff and has given you answers and a new perspective. I would just let the dust settle on the meeting and reassess how you feel in a few more days. It is a lot to take in. Also as Lorraine said, September is around the corner.

Meander delighted for you that the kicks have started. Such lovely reassurance!

Girls I never rang the doc (or his witch of a secretary to be more precise) because I just couldn't face the idea that something could be wrong. I know that as soon as I called he'd tell me to come in and it's too stressful. So if anyone needs me I will be over here with my head firmly in the sand until my appt on Monday.

I am going to ask him can he refer me back to the bereavement midwife for some chats to her. I am not sleeping, I look 87. It is taking its toll and it's hard to even explain but I feel so helpless. I go down these rabbit holes and I can't get out. Last night before going to bed my husband was like "whats on your mind?" and I said well right now I am really worried that I will miscarry tonight in bed. That I will start to bleed and because of the aspirin I just won't stop and I honestly think you will wake up to find me dead.

I am kind of laughing now because it is bonkers but you should have seen his poor face. He has secondary trauma from me. He cannot understand what goes on in my head. Anyway, roll on Monday and it all is well ,I will be less panicked for at least 48 hours!
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby LorraineG » Thu Jun 11, 2020 6:01 pm

Flipper I don't think any of us could even imagine the stress and worry...do whatever it is you need to do and if that's stick you're head in the sand for the moment then so be it. Or else call the maternity unit direct and bypass the witch of a secretary altogether! Also could you call the bereavement midwife yourself? I know in my hospital they have her number on the contact info for the maternity unit. I think the sooner you could get that ball rolling it might make you feel a bit less stuck. Nothing's going to take the worry and fear away but it's a good idea to talk to someone who might be able to help you find a way to get through it when it washes over you.
And on dh reactions...mine often says "I'd love to know what's going through your head right now"...eh no you really don't!! The couple of times I have opened a little window for him he nearly ran screaming from the house!! Never in all my life has "men are from Mars, women are from venus" been more true than in ttc, ivf and pregnancy after loss! Sending you hugs x
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby brownie » Thu Jun 11, 2020 8:22 pm

My heart aches for you flipper. It's such a hard one, it's like you want to take control of your thoughts and emotions and you just can't and they are going haywire but you can't help it... Try to think of the positives, all scans have been fine, harmony was good, you are on a good dose of aspirin so there's no real reason anything could go wrong. Very easy for me to say I know when you have been through hell and back. XXX Monday can't come fast enough, hope you get some reassurance. And definitely talk to bereavement midwife...

MrsA wow that was a lot of info to take in, she sounds really good. It must have been annoying and relief all at once to think that protocol was all wrong for you. Like what were they doing. At least you know that she and penny and you are hugely optimistic about a more controlled approach... what are thinking about the laparoscopy? I had one about 16 months after we had started trying but nothing was happening. He drilled my ovaries but mine were looking polycystic.
Would they have seen endo when they found the septum that time?
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Dotty37 » Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:13 pm

Mrsa that's loads of info to take in! She really knows her stuff and it makes total sense to me about the age thing knowing repro. I was always told my results were in line with my age bracket response etc...but I always thought my amh was much better than my age bracket....a month isnt a huge amount of time to take to stop and think about things, try her suggestions. As for the lap would you consider it? If you have private health insurance it wont cost you anything...my septum was picked up during mine as they do a hystroscopy st the same time, and they can see around the ovaries to get a good look what's happening. You have a while to think about it. I'm still not sure that foreign travel is going to be very easy before august/September either.
Flipper I wish I could give you a big hug...I can only imagine what kinds of things are going through your head being pregnant again, nervous about scans and how your feeling and its completely understandable why you havent rang your consultant. This is such an isolating time aswell. I've a friend who has used the bereavement/mental health services with holles street for both her children and has found them completely amazing, and they helped her find an outlet for how she was feeling. Men unfortunately just do not feel things the same way. And nothing you say you've thought of will ever shock any of us, weve all had all kinds of thoughts each and every one of us, and I think it's great that you felt you could tell us, theres never any judgement here. Roll on monday and hopefully that scan and appt will be able to give you some relief and peace for a while x
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Flipper23 » Thu Jun 11, 2020 9:26 pm

Thanks girls, you’re all so good and I can safely say my husband is delighted I have this outlet to rant my crazy thoughts to!

MrsA forgot to comment re Lap. Mine showed nothing but when we were starting treatment in Beacon he was glad I was booked for one and said it was good housekeeping before starting a cycle, LOL. If you have insurance, it can be pretty quick too. I dunno what the situation is now with Covid but basically I had a referral for a gynae from my GP. I used the Mater Private same day appt system and saw a consultant gynae the very next day (cost me €200 or €250) and he had scheduled me for my lap within 3 weeks of that appt. the only issue I had was with the morphine and I had to stay overnight. Puked alllll night long. Disaster.
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby MrsA » Thu Jun 11, 2020 10:55 pm

Flipper I’m so sorry that you’re going for this. I think counselling would really help you. I can only speak from my own experience of course but i think when going through any kind of trauma a third party with who knows nobody in your life is needed. They only listen anyway and ask questions to prod you so it’s like getting things out of your head and organising them into manageable thoughts. At the moment everything is just building up which is so understandable. Hope you’re ok xxx

Thanks for feedback girls. So.. to get bloods I can do it through the clinic she works in. There is also a Gynae there that can refer me for Lap and dye procedure in beacon and at least that way I can get on a waiting list. Good housekeeping lol. I have vhi but Isn’t all public and private healthcare the same at the moment.. Going to get the bloods done as well as a scan post ovulation to ensure egg released. I may as well throw all my money away At this point :) and at least then I’ll know my body works properly. Not like I’ve any holidays planned..

She did emphasise that it could still happen so you never know :)
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby MeanderGo » Fri Jun 12, 2020 12:05 am

Flipper that's awful what you're going through. I can't even start to imagine. Everyone copes their own way - I'm a big 'defer all emotions for 5 years and pretend nothing happened' so completely understand head in sand approach. MrsA is right, counselling can often organise your thoughts and help manage them, while when it's just you they escalate into an uncontrollable whirlwind. I think even making contact will help a lot, thinking you're doing something to help yourself. Sending lots of support and calm thoughts. Monday's not too far away, just take each day at a time.
MrsA I think private hospitals are opening up at the beginning of July so you can get a referral now. Hopefully instance can cover a chunk of consultant cost, sang possible blood tests too? I think if you're not strapped for cash (as you say, no holidays in NYC! :-() it could be good to get all the checks done so you know exactly where you are at the beginning of this protocol and those results are feeding into people who are working with a more natural approach. At least then you're not wondering if/maybe something could still be amiss. Plus I know for me, getting tests done would feel like I'm doing something positive towards my next cycle which helps keep the momentum and pass the time!
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby LorraineG » Sun Jun 14, 2020 7:32 pm

Best of luck with your appointment tomorrow flipper x
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Flipper23 » Sun Jun 14, 2020 8:23 pm

Thanks a mil! I’ve just had a looooong bath, a cry, and now some chocolate. Just a regular day here! My latest worry is lack of movement. I am 17+3 and I logged on to WTE and saw loads of people around my stage saying they feel kicks. So the mental part of me
Is freaking out and the rational part knows that with Ana I was 19 weeks before I felt her. So I need to calm down really.
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby LorraineG » Sun Jun 14, 2020 9:29 pm

Staying calm is waaaay easier said than done flipper! I'm 32 weeks and still freaking out when babs gets a bit quiet or it feels a bit different and I cant even imagine the stress it causes you. I know you know in your head that 17 weeks is still too early for regular movements but it doesn't always filter through! Baths, tears and chocolate are great coping methods...you're doing great getting through what must feel like the most crucial weeks of this whole pregnancy xx
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby MeanderGo » Mon Jun 15, 2020 1:14 pm

Good luck today Flipper, hope you get all the right answers and your mind can have a bit of a rest. And you know already that 17 weeks is very early to feel kicks. I was past 20 weeks and they say even 24 at times. Babs is doing just great, swimming around, no need to elbow you just yet :D but whole-heartedly support bath, tears and chocolate as a way to get through any trying period. (A friend recommended sliced banana with peanut butter and a chunk of choc on top, then freeze them and have them as snacks - delish). Do get your worries out to people though because your mind will create a storm with them otherwise.
Just back form the anomaly scan - all great! Roo (we've moved from Dyno to Roo as I feel like I'm a kangaroo now with my pouch) is measuring fine (21+1 as opposed to 21+6 but within the 10 day range so they're not worried), all organs looking good. Gotta see the heart working which is unreal, you can see the valves opening and closing - best biology class ever!). Placenta is a little low lying but should right itself, and there's a lobe out of the placenta (kinda like a peninsula) which they just have to note to make sure they get all of it at the end! Back to work now which is a bit of an anti climax...
Hope you all had a nice weekend. thank god the weather is back even for a day or two!
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Flipper23 » Mon Jun 15, 2020 2:49 pm

Great news Meander! Such a relief!! You must be on cloud 9 now.

All went well at scan today. She measures exactly to dates, he checked stomach, head and femur and all were the same. Thanks be to Christ. I had myself in a knot. Next up, anatomy scan. He’s gonna do it himself in the hospital at 20 weeks so just 2 weeks to wait! I am starting to believe this might be ok!

Now I have a pounding headache from all the stressing out.
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby MeanderGo » Mon Jun 15, 2020 3:25 pm

Ah flipper that's great news! And even better you only have 2 weeks to wait until the anatomy scan. I had started to refer to it in my previous post to you but deleted it as didn't want to put up your stress levels again!! I'm so glad you're starting to believe it's going to be ok. You deserve to enjoy this pregnancy given all you've been through x
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Oliviasmum » Mon Jun 15, 2020 4:30 pm

Ah flipper that is brilliant news so glad all went ok and everything is fine

First it was me with af feeling like crap and now little one is not well at all today she running a temp and very cranky I’m thinking it’s her tonsils acting up again thank god I have an app for her at start of July hopefully I can get an app straight away to get them out through the health insurance
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby LorraineG » Mon Jun 15, 2020 4:46 pm

Oh flipper and meander that's great news for ye both! Flipper I'd be more worried about you if you didnt have a headache after the last week! Some r&r will clear that up for you. And great only 2 weeks til your next scan...did you talk to him about increasing the frequencies of your scans or will you just leave it?
Oliviasmum you poor thing...hope your little one is ok!
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby MrsA » Mon Jun 15, 2020 5:25 pm

Flipper so glad everything ok. If you can nab some I love Me time maybe try kick back with some cucumber over the eyes to relieve the tension of the last while.

Meander so happy all good with you too xxx
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Flipper23 » Mon Jun 15, 2020 5:51 pm

Thanks girls. He said he’ll see me now every 2/2.5 weeks so that’s me happy out really. He might let me go 3 weeks in between from 25 onwards if all is looking good but usually around then he’s seeing patients every 2 weeks anyway.

He is managing me well I must say! Like he won’t let me get ahead of myself too much at all. I started asking about section v induction and he’s like “we will cross that bridge” and “anything is possible”. If I was in another mood that would have possibly annoyed me but today it made me feel a bit at ease.
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Re: Longer term ttc #1

Postby Dotty37 » Mon Jun 15, 2020 6:25 pm

That's great news meander and flipper!!! So wonderful to get good scans and out your mind at ease.
Flipper you sound so happy and relieved, your consultant sounds great and is certainly keeping an eye on you. Hope you can sleep a bit easier tonight
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